Trivial Drama two friends of mine have their families filed in bankruptcy. they have relatives that could help but won't. one of them had a member of their extended family die recently from cancer. there's several people out there that have to worry about cancer. i know of another friend who has a secret so dark that if he told his parents, they'd disown him and kick him out of the house. there are others out there that have to suffer the same thing he's going through. my parents aren't doing so bad, but sometimes i feel like their only lying to themselves, and to me. i know we don't have much money, but we make the most of what we have. i recently found out last year that my dad had a son in the Philippines, and he keeps harassing my dad, probably for money. i don't know if my dad really wants to help him, i believe he does, but i know we don't have enough money to spare. my sister's in university now, second year, second year away from home. she's probably scared to death about what's going to happen to her after college. they say that the doors into university are narrow, but it's pretty wide when you compare them to the doors going out. there are probably more stories that deserve to be told out there. things more meaningful, more sorrowful, that happen to people everyday, but quietly, yet painfully. for now let's forget the large scale insecurities we have to worry about, like those of a nation, those of a world. top story on Saturday's newspaper: N. Korea threatens "Third World War" - while the Bush government is still busy probing around Iraq, desperately looking for proof of weapons of mass destruction. but the lack of proof won't stop a showdown. the Palestinian Israeli conflict only gets worse. everyone's turning their backs against our Muslim brothers. children in third world countries have to work to feed their family, jeopardizing their health, sacrificing their innocence. you can find young teen prostitutes not only in those starving countries either; you can find them if you go downtown too. people, girls and guys, willing to suck cock for a few extra bucks, to feed their heroine addiction. but these things are beyond our scope, we're too innocent to worry about these things. yet we still have real things to worry about, like bankruptcy, death, prejudice, hatred, etc.
these issues are the cause of real suffering in our lives. because in the long run, they do leave a scar that runs deep.
so why do we worry about other things. homework, "oh no, i didn't get over 90%"; rumors, "i can't believe he said that"; broken hearts, "it just ended"; looks, "i need to get some muscle"; materialism, "i don't have cable connection".
why do we worry about these trivial insignificant things? well, homework does affect your future, but only our happiness by so much. as teenagers, what people say can really hurt; when our confidence becomes challenged - that can really change who we are. relationships are a big one too, when you leave someone who hurt you, or someone you really loved, you'll always stop to remember them in the future. people also have to suffer from anorexia and bulimia, which are serious cases. there's people out there that actually don't own enough to make their lives easier.
but still, we worry about insignificant trivialities that only scar us deep enough to be irritating. why do we forget about the wounds that run deep to the bone?
in psychology, there's this defense mechanism called 'displacement'. it's when you can't release your stress at the present moment because it would be inappropriate. so you wait until later on, when you take your stress out irrationally on someone or something else.
maybe we go through something similar like that everyday. we're aware of all the suffering around us, we're not so cold that it doesn't affect us, but maybe it's just so big that we don't know how to react. so we take the little things, the insignificant trivialities and blow them out of proportion so we can take our stress out on them.
but is that really healthy? i mean, life is full of serious matters that can be life-threatening. should we really be focusing on band-aiding our cuts, while we're loosing blood from deeper scars? what will we learn from those little things compared to bigger issues? dealing with rumors or broken hearts won't help you out of bankruptcy. owning more things or looking good won't matter if you, or someone you know has cancer. getting high averages won't make people hate you any less for what you are.
so why loose more fluids crying over the little things, while you're bleeding to death?
i don't know how most people approach life. i've never had to worry about anything as serious as bankruptcy, death, or prejudice. call me blessed to be sheltered i guess, and i thank whatever god that exists for that. but i am aware of other people's suffering, and i feel and empathize for them. last year i dealt only with insignificant things, trivia. falling in love, who said what to who, clothes, toys, passing gr. 10 math. now it's as if someone took me a few steps back, and i see the whole picture. the trail of blood people are walking with now will only last for so long. while issues of war, sex-trade, and drugs leave trails that do not begin nor end anywhere. there are some blood trails that changes lives, but there are others that you can't even see when you step back so far.
so now it's all making clear sense to me. again, i don't know how other people approach life, but i try to be realistic. no point blowing anything out of proportion. i won't spend more time than i have to cleaning small specks of blood on the floor, when a flooding trail of it is stained across the room. i have nothing serious to worry about, once again, thank god. but i know others out their have to worry about real things. my friends getting bankrupt, their families and cancer, secrets and sex. they have those things to worry about, which are so big that they don't even want to look at them. instead they worry about love affairs, and 'who said what's. maybe it's because i'm blessed to be detached from suffering that i can see the big picture. but if there's anyone who needs to put things into perspective, it's my friends who cry over trivial things while bigger struggles go on around them.
someone once told me that i never take anything seriously, that i make everything into a joke. i wish that person could see how wrong they are. in the bigger picture, nothing is a joke, and i understand that. while comedians are making fun of Bush, Iraq, war, sex, and drugs - issues that should be taken seriously; i take grades, rumors, romance, looks, and things - make the best out of them, but also realize that in the long run, none of these things will matter.
so i wish that that person could take back what she said about me, get her own life into perspective, and take care of the more important things in her life. and same thing goes for anyone else with anything against me. i haven't done anything to anyone that could cause bankruptcy or death, so please, don't blow it out of proportion and condemn me. you'd only be condemning yourself if the most important thing on your mind are small insignificant things.
i wrote this because of two reasons. the first reason was what that person said about me making everything into a joke. like i said, i don't make everything into a joke, i take the serious things seriously; it's the insignificant things that i turn into a joke. the other reason i wrote this, was because i wrote something earlier that offended a few people. admitted, i wrote it partially because i wanted to be funny. i wanted to entertain at the expense of others, and as i have told one of them: i am sorry. as for the other person that commented in a harsh manner towards me, at least leave your name and approach this civilly. if i wrote something about you, it's not going to come off until you tell me who you are anyways, unless i already did, in which case leave this between me and her. if you're going to assault me like that and be anonymous about it, you're not going to receive an apology - how could you if i don't even know who you are?
but anyways, after this entry i hope you realize that those other things that i wrote are trivial. in the long run, they won't matter. that's why i used it to entertain, because it won't cause anyone bankruptcy or cancer. and besides, i made sure not to say anything too offensive, and edited out the stuff i knew the people involved didn't want me saying. also, only a few people read that blog anyways, only a few people know about it. hell, only a few people read this blog either.
and besides, look at it from my point of view okay? i did something stupid. i'm willing to admit what i did was wrong, and i'm willing to apologize. keep in mind i did not intend to offend or hurt anyone. keep in mind it wasn't deliberate. now i've read and heard what's been said about me because of what i did. i know how you attack me verbally like that, and it hurts. i know i hurt you, i didn't mean to do that, and i said i'm sorry. now you can't tell me that you didn't mean to attack me like that, to assault me like that. granted, i can't blame you for feeling hurt, that's my fault, and once again, i'm sorry. but you are responsible for your actions, for what you do, and what you say. you hurt me deliberately. so at least say sorry.
so just calm down, relax, and start breathing. it's not the end of the world until N. Korea and Bush start something.
